You Talk First

My eyes glanced up at the sky for a moment to see the tree tops sway against a backdrop of clouds. A flock of birds flew out from one of the trees. “Look out,” A soft voice carried over the area*. I turned toward him and stopped just before I ended up in the waterfall in front of me. He chuckled and shook his head.

“Thanks, I was watching the birds.” I gestured with my hand toward the sky. My eyes locked with his for a moment. Then I did what I usually do; I checked his profile. Tucked deep inside I found a notice that I have started to see more often in profiles; and hear from people in Second Life, “You will only talk to me if I talk to you first?” The question came out without thought.

A smirk formed on his round face, “Yes. That is how I know who values me.” He paused, “Besides I’m too important and busy; I can’t be bothered to talk to anyone first.”

My forehead wrinkled at his well rehearsed response. His words registered and my eyes opened a bit wider. Most of the time when I have dug deeper into the reasons I am told it is because of shyness and self-doubt. I am shy and sometimes it can be daunting for me to talk to someone first. Especially if I start to realize that I am the one to start the majority, or all, of the conversations. “So you make them put in all of the effort and responsibility for keeping the relationship alive?” The answer seemed obvious yet I wanted to hear it from him.

“Yes. It is their choice to talk to me or not.” He snickered and then shrugged.

I thought about other relationships I had where I had to talk to the person first the majority of the time. In some I knew about the rule and in others I didn’t. “Do they know the rule applies to them?”

He leaned back for a moment. His face scrunched, “I only tell a few of them.” His body tensed, “It is in my profile. I can’t help it if they can’t read.”

My eyes opened wide while my muscles all tensed. My hands tightened into a fist and then relaxed. I shook my head. “You only tell a few people?”

“Yes. The ones that I think deserve to know the rule.”

A throb began to form in the back of my head. “There are no circumstances where you would talk to them first?”

He tilted his head and rubbed his smug chin, “Nope. No legitimate reason. Not even if they were sick or dying.”

My eyes opened wide for a moment, “You are serious?”

“You just don’t understand how busy and important I am. I just cant be required to actually talk to people first.” He gritted his teeth and leaned forward. Then he crossed his arms over his chest and stood up taller.

My fingers ran to the bridge of my nose and pinched hard. I swallowed and looked into his eyes. “You don’t see how one sided that makes the relationship?”

“No. They get to be friends with me.” He cleared his throat. “They should put in the effort to maintain the friendship. I shouldn’t have to.”

I glanced up into his eyes and nibbled the inside of my lip. My mind began to spin with the implication of his words. I read a bit farther down his profile and coughed. “If they sign in five times and do not speak to you; then you will drop them from your friends list?”

He nodded, “Yes. I am a very important person. You should talk to me each time you sign in. If you can’t then after five times I drop you because you obviously don’t think I am important and we ain’t friends.”

I swallowed and rubbed my forehead. “So your rule applies to only a few people or everyone?”

He laughed, “Everyone.”

My eyes closed for a moment and I let out a long slow breath. “How many friends do you have?”

A long pause happened, “Not as many as I used to.” With that came a friend request.

My mind went over my past relationships where I knew of the rule. It didn’t take long for me to become frustrated, angry, and resentful. I did my best to communicate and explain my frustrations to the few I felt worthwhile; only to have nothing change. Over time I would just stop talking to the person first. The relationships usually ended at that point or soon after. I realized that I was important, worthy, and deserving of having them make an equal effort to keep the relationship alive. I nodded, “I am not surprised.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Did you ever think of it from their point of view?”

He scoffed, “Why should I do that? Mine is the only one that matters.”

I took a deep breath, “Maybe if you had you might not have lost so many friends.” I declined his friend request and continued along the path.


*Disclaimer: I have seen both the “I wont talk to you unless you talk to me first” and “if you sign in five times and don’t talk to me I will remove you from my friends list” disclaimers in profiles in Second Life. They are worded differently than I have them stated here. I have also chatted with various people on the subject and been told by people I knew that they have the same rule. The interaction above should be taken as a fictional story about the subject. Any exact resemblance of the writing above to any person, conversation between the author and anyone, place, situation, time, event, etc., should be considered coincidental and unintentional.

Wearing: I have no sponsors to my blog. Meaning I get everything from either buying it, locating it as a free gift at event, or its a group gift.

  • Body: Maitreya Lara (purchased at the main store)
  • Head: Genus Strong Face (Free Group gift with free group join)
  • Body: Default Genus with modifications I made
  • Outfit: Addams Valentines Limited Edition bought with a gift card at Valentines Shop and Hop.
    • Top: Bunny Off Shoulder Sweater
    • Pants: Piper Leather Pant
    • Shoes: Bunny Golden Star Sneaker Short
  • Hair: Arella Cocktail Pack halfside by Sintiklia (Free Gift at event or group gift at their store.)

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