“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”Carl Jung
As I walked down the rocky path it began to smooth out and I could see the end. I looked behind me and saw the long road that I had traveled. All the challenges I had overcome in order to get where I was. The lessons learned and how I had changed and grown from where I had started. I started to feel confident in my ability to reach the end. I deserved to achieve what I had worked so hard for. What I longed for. As I turned back to the last few steps that remained, I blinked. In front of me a large rock appeared and blocked the end of the path.
I pushed against the rock until my energy drained. I attempted to climb over only to fall back to the ground each time I got close. Then I tried to go around. Only to find an invisible field blocked me. I even tried to dig under the rock. But the ground was too hard and I lost all energy. As I rested against the rock I cried out to the universe. No reply came back to me. The silence echoed through my heart and mind. I realized I had become stuck in place. Frozen in that location. On the other side of the rock the goal I had worked so hard for sat; blocked.
I took a deep breath and looked inside myself. To find the strength to let go. To let go of the the thing I worked so hard for. That despite my best efforts I had come to the end of the road. Even though I deserved to reach the end it wasn’t meant to be. I realized it isn’t about the end destination. But the journey I took.
In the blink of an eye life had changed and I had to accept that. As tears streamed down my face a rush of emotions swirled inside me. Then I looked around. New paths stretched out in front of me. I had to move into the unknown of a new path. A new direction.
My feet seemed uncertain as I took a step. At first each step seemed difficult and uncertain. Heartache and grief overcame me. I welcomed the emotions and the journey of working through them as I took each step. At random times I’d cry and get angry. The more steps I took down the new path I remembered that my value and worth as person is not tied to any one path. It isn’t tied to what I do. It is in who I am. At my core who I am is still Sadie.
That even though this one path didn’t work out I am still me. As I worked my way through the heartache and grief my friends listened. Gave me a hug; or a hundred. As I kept walking down the new path my feet grew steady. I could find my way back to laughing. Time will lessen the pain. I am grateful though for the lessons that path taught me. For the way I grew.
We are all like butterflies. We go through challenges and changes in order to become something beautiful. The thing that we are meant to be. Whatever that is.
Photo credit: I took it at Second Lifes 17th Birthday Sim. One of the exhibits. 🙂