“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”

Carl Jung

As I walked down the rocky path it began to smooth out and I could see the end. I looked behind me and saw the long road that I had traveled. All the challenges I had overcome in order to get where I was. The lessons learned and how I had changed and grown from where I had started. I started to feel confident in my ability to reach the end. I deserved to achieve what I had worked so hard for. What I longed for. As I turned back to the last few steps that remained, I blinked. In front of me a large rock appeared and blocked the end of the path.

I pushed against the rock until my energy drained. I attempted to climb over only to fall back to the ground each time I got close. Then I tried to go around. Only to find an invisible field blocked me. I even tried to dig under the rock. But the ground was too hard and I lost all energy. As I rested against the rock I cried out to the universe. No reply came back to me. The silence echoed through my heart and mind. I realized I had become stuck in place. Frozen in that location. On the other side of the rock the goal I had worked so hard for sat; blocked.

I took a deep breath and looked inside myself. To find the strength to let go. To let go of the the thing I worked so hard for. That despite my best efforts I had come to the end of the road. Even though I deserved to reach the end it wasn’t meant to be. I realized it isn’t about the end destination. But the journey I took.

In the blink of an eye life had changed and I had to accept that. As tears streamed down my face a rush of emotions swirled inside me. Then I looked around. New paths stretched out in front of me. I had to move into the unknown of a new path. A new direction.

My feet seemed uncertain as I took a step. At first each step seemed difficult and uncertain. Heartache and grief overcame me. I welcomed the emotions and the journey of working through them as I took each step. At random times I’d cry and get angry. The more steps I took down the new path I remembered that my value and worth as person is not tied to any one path. It isn’t tied to what I do. It is in who I am. At my core who I am is still Sadie.

That even though this one path didn’t work out I am still me. As I worked my way through the heartache and grief my friends listened. Gave me a hug; or a hundred. As I kept walking down the new path my feet grew steady. I could find my way back to laughing. Time will lessen the pain. I am grateful though for the lessons that path taught me. For the way I grew.

We are all like butterflies. We go through challenges and changes in order to become something beautiful. The thing that we are meant to be. Whatever that is.

Photo credit: I took it at Second Lifes 17th Birthday Sim. One of the exhibits. 🙂

4 thoughts on “Butterflies

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    1. I agree. Most things we can learn from and improve in some small way. It is also important to move forward and not get stuck in the past. In what should have, could have, or would have been. It is what it is. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. One thing that concerns me about that is totally abandoning the past. There’s a mad dash for the future and people are repeating past mistakes.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Not everything is a mistake. The path I took in the above post was not a mistake. I will never look at it that way. It was a path I picked that didn’t work out and I had to move in a different direction. Or be stuck in that one spot, wasting energy and time on something that clearly had come to an end. The lessons from that, and from mistakes in my past, I carry with me. So I can recognize roads that I shouldn’t walk down. And when I run into different challenges I can see the options and ways to get around them. Including who to go to for help.

          With change comes a lot of emotions. It can be easy to get lost in them if we don’t embrace them as being part of the path. Accepting that we will feel grief and something over the change or mistake. Part of the healing process that lets us move forward.

          People tend to focus on the past. Focus on the “what if I had only done?” or “Why didn’t I just do or say X?” When you can’t go back. You can’t undo what was done. It is what it is and now that has to be dealt with and moved on from. Or they just do what you said and make a mad dash for the future, ignore the past like it never happened, and repeat the same old mistakes time and time again. Forever wondering why they are stuck in the same old rut and same old heartaches and pains.

          But then we are all creatures of habit.

          Liked by 1 person

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