Sinking

Lately I have felt like I was sinking or being pulled under the water. There are moments I just can’t catch a breath. I know we all have that feeling. We are isolated because of this invisible threat that is lurking behind every corner. Each person we see could have it. Every surface outside our homes could be infected. Every time the phone rings it could be the news someone we love has Covid-19.

I know I am not the only one who can’t just run to the store, or do errands. I am stuck. Reliant on others to do simple things that I can’t do for myself anymore. I get into fights with family members who insist that they should be able to go to the store. Yet, their health and age makes them a higher risk than even me.

So, I go onto Second Life. I listen to my friends talk about their fears and concerns; their challenges with all of this that is going on. I console them. Then sometimes I share some of my concerns, worries and fears. Some of my friends have been a great support. While others, well others have decided to remind me that others are worse off. That the entire world is changing; and that I haven’t been myself lately. Or someone tells me I am not important to anyone. And when I come up for air and return to being normal to let them know. The problem is I don’t even know what normal is anymore. I understand some of them are trying to be helpful. They are trying to be supportive in their own way. It has been eye-opening to say the least.

I have moments I just want to curl up into this little ball and cry. I have even started to watch sad movies. As if I can use the movie as an excuse for the tears. When its really the overwhelming need to just cry that is driving me to pick the movie. I even started writing short stories again. The ones I posted on that adult writing blog of mine that I reopened recently. Just to have an outlet in order to feel some sense of normal.

I found on Blended Beauty’s blog this video that her friend shared with her. It is simply the best video I have seen. This person gets it. The words they shared sent me to tears, comforted, and uplifted me all at the same time. It was like being wrapped up in this warm blanket and just held while they talked. And for a while I could breath again.

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